Returning home to care for my mom and start a new life

After 17 years in the U.S., I decided to move back to my home country of Taiwan to be closer to my parents and care for my mom, who has cardiac amyloidosis. Was it a hard decision? Emotionally, no. I had been considering it ever since my mom’s health started to decline several years ago. Logistically, it was a huge undertaking. Mentally, I was torn, anxious, excited, and overwhelmed, depending on when you asked me.

Most people understand the reason behind my decision, and I never had to explain my motivation to anyone, but that didn’t make the process any easier. There were plenty of difficult realities behind this life-altering choice that I had to face head-on, and frankly, I’m still facing some of them now.

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What am I leaving behind?

This was probably the first question I asked myself, along with many others that sounded like a bundle of self-doubts. Will I regret it? Can I pause my life for an uncertain amount of time and still be OK? What am I losing? Will I get it back?

Weighing options in life is deeply personal. I used to say that I didn’t believe in regrets. More accurately, I tried my best to choose the path that I would regret less. This time, I chose my parents.

When I lived in the U.S., my time with my parents was concentrated in yearly trips. They were long enough to glimpse their lives, but not long enough to help in any meaningful way. One year, I was quietly in shock to see how much weight my mom had lost, yet I couldn’t be at her doctor appointments to find out what was going on. The distance made me powerless.

Still, planning the move was uncomfortable. My career, income, and relationships were at stake. I gave myself a year to sort things out and slowly acknowledge my fear of losing what I didn’t want to lose.

Don’t we simultaneously gain and lose something with every decision we make?

What am I going to do?

This question was lighter to think about, especially when I was bogged down by planning. “When a door closes, a window opens,” as the saying goes. We rarely encounter a decision that is both so destructive and so constructive. It feels like a second chance to build a life that I’ve always wanted.

Do I want to take a break professionally or keep working? My thinking has shifted a lot over the last couple of years, and I’m hardly the same person who started a career two decades ago. This move gave me time to reflect on who I have become and where I want to focus my energy in the future.

Can a beloved hobby become a way of living? I probably romanticize the idea of a new life a little too much. But when the canvas is empty again, it suddenly seems fitting to add things that I didn’t think could fit into the picture.

A new chapter

It has been over two months since I moved. On the caregiving front, I now have what I wanted: more face time to observe my mom’s multisystem symptoms and think through care options. Equally important is the time to simply live life together as a family, whether that’s trying out a new restaurant or spending holidays together.

Personally, I’m still shaping my new life. Thinking I have a lot of time on my hands is a trap. Sooner than later, I run out of it because I’m too ambitious about making plans, or sometimes, I feel too uneasy about not having enough.

However this version of my life turns out, I’m grateful I can do this for my family, and even more so for myself. I’m far from the first person to make a decision like this, and I won’t be the last. What works will differ from person to person, but one principle likely won’t change: Caring for yourself is part of caring for them.

Note: Amyloidosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Amyloidosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to familial amyloid polyneuropathy.